I'm Sorry

This is the first verse of a song I started writing a while ago. The song is from the perspective of a war veteran who has killed people in the course of duty. The other verses aren't written yet

I try to wash my hands,
But this blood is in my mind.
It’s on the lids over my eyes,
So when I blink it’s still in sight.
It stalks me and it hides,
Staying close throughout my life
Makes me wish that I could die,
But it will find me after life.
Why’s this guilt on me?
I only did what I was ordered.
I was just a tool,
Not the leader of the slaughter.
Daughters, sons and mothers,
Fathers, sisters, and their brothers
Always smother me with blame,
And the shame paints my days,
And the pain seems to stay.
I would love to run away,
But there’s nowhere I can be
Where this guilt can’t find me.
Out damn spot!
I fucking hate the color red!
I’m so sorry yall are dead,
But please leave my head.
I can’t bring you back.
Acts can never be reversed.
I don’t deserve what I’m getting.
What must a do
To get a ghost to forgive me.
These phantoms stay with me,
Attacking my sanity,
And crying for their families.

(Chorus)
I’m sorry for my actions
And I’m sorry for the past
I’m sorry for the violence
Sorry I can’t take it back
I’m sorry for the bullets
And I’m sorry for the guns
I’m sorry for the bombs
I’m sorry for your loved ones